Best “Bridesmaids” Movie Quote
Upon its release on April 28, 2011, Judd Apatow’s Bridesmaids became a commercial and critical smash. The film would go on to earn more than $300 million at the worldwide box office — nearly 15 years later it remains the highest-grossing Apatow picture –- and receive a Golden Globe nomination for Best Comedy Film, and two Oscar nominations for Best Supporting Actress and Best Original Screenplay. That script, by Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo, is a big part of the film’s success, a hilarious yet insightful exploration of women’s friendships, class divides, and mid-life crises. So join us as the GPCD Players put on our Fritz Bernaise designs and attempt to determine the best Bridesmaids movie quote.
Join host Eric Rezsnyak and the GPCD Players — Jake Pitochelli, Jonny Minogue, and Kevin Dillon — as they discuss 16 of the most iconic lines from Bridesmaids.
Play along at home by finding the listener bracket here. Make a copy for yourself, fill it out, and see if your picks match up with ours!
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Round 1 Match-Ups:
Not a Patreon subscriber? Here’s a primer on how we came up with the bracket.
Match-Up 1:
“They are cute, but when they reach that age they’re disgusting. They smell, they’re sticky, they say things that are horrible and there is semen all over everything. They’re disgusting. I cracked a blanket in half. Do you get where I’m going with that? ”
VS.
“Come on, Carol! Get your shit together Carol!”
Match-Up 2:
“IT IS! You know how I know? Because I went to the fucking salon with her and I GOT MY ASSHOLE BLEACHED TOO! And I LOVE my new asshole!”
VS.
“What, you’re going to go to Paris with Helen now?! Are you going to ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket of the front of your bikes? How romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We’re all thinking it aren’t we?”
Match-Up 3:
“We would like to invite you to no longer live with us anymore. ”
VS.
“I put a loaded gun in Dougie’s carry on. TSA is gonna rip his ass apart. ”
Match-Up 4:
“Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back like a normal person! ”
VS.
“I’ll just snowball on top of that. Also, Fightclub. Female fightclub. We grease up, we pull in, Lillian doesn’t know, so it’s ‘Surprise! Were gonna fight.’ We beat the shit out her. She’s not gonna forget that. ”
Match-Up 5:
“Help me, I’m poor.”
VS.
“Ok, but she’s still a whore. I’m sure she greets him in the evening beaver first. ”
Match-Up 6:
“Stop it! You’re more beautiful than Cinderella. You smell like pine needles and you have a face like sunshine.”
VS.
“It’s comin’ out of me like lava! Don’t fucking look at me!!”
Match-Up 7:
“Alright, I’m glad he’s single ‘cause I’m gonna climb that like a tree. ”
VS.
“I think you’re ready to hear a little story about a girl named Megan who didn’t have a very good time in high school. I’m referring to myself when I say Megan, it’s me Megan. I know you look at me now and think, boy she must have breezed through high school. Not the case Annie. This was not easy going up and down the halls with. They used to try to blow me up. People used to throw firecrackers on my head in high school. Firecrackers, literally, not figuratively. They called me a freak. Do you think I let that stop me? Do you think I went home crying to my mommy, “Oh, I don’t have any friends.” I did not. You know what I did? I pulled myself up, I studied hard, I read every book in the library and now I work for the government and have the highest possible security clearance. Don’t repeat that. I cannot protect you. I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. ”
Match-Up 8:
“To my bridesmaids...this is such a stone cold pack of weirdos and I’m so proud.”
VS.
“Speaking of Consuelo, Lillian and I took Spanish together in school. And so I want to say to you and to everyone here...gracias para vivar en la casa. En la escuelas and el azul marcada. Tienes con vivir en las...forstuatsa, and gracias.”
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Episode Credits
Host: Eric Rezsnyak
Panelists: Jake Pitochelli, Jonny Minogue, Kevin Dillon
Producer: Curtis Creekmore
Editor: Bob Erlenback
Theme Music: “Dance to My Tune” by Marc Torch
