Best “Naked Gun” Movie Quote
“The Naked Gun” series of films premiered in 1988, a movie continuation of the flop TV show “Police Squad.” While the spoof of police procedurals didn’t find an audience when it ran on ABC for just six episodes in 1982, the misadventures of Leslie Nielsen’s Lieutenant Frank Drebin were a smash success on the big screen, leading to a trilogy in the late 20th Century, and a reboot film in 2025. The simultaneously stupid and brilliant scripts by director David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, and Jim Abrams, Pat Proft and others were loaded with zingers, absurdist cutaways, and sight gags that, nearly 40 years later, are largely unparalleled. So join the Great Pop Culture Debate for a special Patreon-sponsored episode as we attempt to determine the Best “Naked Gun” Movie Quote.
Play along at home by finding the listener bracket here. Make a copy for yourself, fill it out, and see if your picks match up with ours!
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Round 1 Match-Ups:
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Match-Up 1:
“Yeah, you know. A white guy. A moustache, about five-foot-ten.”
”That’s an awfully big moustache…”
VS.
“It’s a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans!”
Match-Up 2:
“When I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That’s MY policy.”
”That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of ‘Julius Caesar,’ you moron. You killed five actors. Good ones!”
VS.
“So many are cold, shivering in the night. So I say, Take those cats! Skin them! Use their fur to keep hundreds warm!”
”…Jesus, Phil”
Match-Up 3:
“Nice beaver.”
”Thanks, I just had it stuffed.”
Vs.
“Interesting. Almost as interesting as those photographs I saw today.”
”I was young. I needed the work!”
Match-Up 4:
“A Panamanian ship. Frank, when Nordberg said, ‘I love you,’ he was telling you the name of the ship.”
”I realize that… Now.”
VS.
“All right, Stephanie. Gently extend extend your arm. Extend your middle finger. Very good.”
”There he is!….Go for it, Stephanie!”
Match-Up 5:
“Oh, it’s all right. I’m sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn’t that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?”
VS.
“Is this some kind of bust?”
”Well, yes. It’s very impressive. But we need to ask you a few questions.”
Match-Up 6:
“Have you noticed anything different about Dr. Meinheimer?”
”Well, only that he’s a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now. Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quntin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer, and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the President?”
Vs.
“I’d known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She’d hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don’t recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was.”
Match-Up 7:
“What’s that smell?”
”Oh, that would be me. I’ve been swimming in raw sewage. I love it. [louder] I love it!”
VS.
“How can you say that? I sank every penny I had into buying that 1,000 acres of Brazilian rainforest. Then I had it slashed and burned so we could build our dream house.”
”Frank! How could you be so insensitive?”
Match-Up 8:
“So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?”
”Yes, he’s in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.”
VS.
“Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?”
”Well, isn’t that the fault of the voters?”
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Episode Credits
Host: Eric Rezsnyak
Patreon Sponsor: Dr. Chad Rezsnyak
Panelist: Bob Erlenback
Special Guest: Todd Rezsnyak
Editor: Bob Erlenback
Theme Music: “Dance to My Tune” by Marc Torch
