RECAP: Project Runway Season 22, Episode 9
Hello, designers. Sorry I’m late (again). I’ve been on a gin bender about this episode. Why? PRESS ON, SEWISTS!
We’re back in the lounge and Christian is meekly telling us that he’s saving [censored] BRYAN [censored] BARRIENTOS! LOOKS LIKE WE’RE RIOTING FOR THE REST OF THE TIME THIS SHOW IS ON THE AIR! I truly don’t get it.
Actually. I do.
This show is being strip-mined for parts like poor JoAnne’s Fabrics. It’s like Freeform is a Private Equity Firm, and they’re just using the “Project Runway” name to make as much money as possible, and leaving its dead carcass in strip malls across America while people who have loved the brand since Day 1 bemoan and gnash their teeth about what this show used to be about. AND WHAT IS THAT?! Grab another bottle of gin and let’s remember, shall we?
This show used to be about up-and-coming designers and Midwestern wannabes that had a sketchbook, some swatches, and all of the dreams coming to New York to be mentored by Tim Gunn and showing their work to the likes of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia and fans across the nation. The designers were given real time and interesting challenges to bring us their weirdest and their best. And we got to see them struggle and laugh and pull brilliant things out of thin air because they were in a pressure cooker of creativity and warmth and love.
And now this show is about drama and bullshit and quippy one-liners and shitty little attitudes.
We have zero designers on the judging panel. And we all know how much I can’t stand Law Roach on the panel, but I did see someone say on Reddit that he should be the mentor and Christian should be a judge, and my God, was that person correct. For as rancid as Law can be, he has a good eye for fashion and what goes well together. And Christian, as a former winner of this show who has made a fuckin’ name for himself because of “Project Runway,” should absolutely be on the judges’ panel because he knows when a garment is well made.
HOWEVER ALAS!
So we save Bryan because of the drama. Christian says that it’s because he wants to see more from that world, but what else can there be to see, Christian?! An oversized something that gives the girl no shape and swallows her form? Or maybe a garbage bag from the ground which has been duct-taped to the model? That’s what you want to see more of?
Truly, Freeform. If you don’t want this show, give it back to Bravo. Give it to Andy Cohen and let him run it. Make it like “Top Chef” again: competence porn. Truly. I miss watching people who sew and design well, doing it well, and getting enjoyment from it. But not this.
Somebody, please make a double Tom Collins. Or better yet. Venmo me some money so I can go out and get the good gin. @tkrbthree
BACK TO THE SHOW
Jeffrey’s talking head is all tears and begging Christian to save him. Bryan’s talking head is giving us his usual unaffected affectations. But at least he’s smug, I guess?
Anna can’t believe it. Neither can Bi. Joseph looks anywhere else. Naheim wants nothing to do with Bryan. Jude wipes his nose and walks away. So glad I’m not on this show because my face can’t shut up.
Read on for my take on Episode 9. SPOILERS AHEAD!
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The Challenge
Heidi walks out in a Christian Siriano wedding dress, so this is clearly going to be a wedding challenge.
Challenge: Wedding Dress (with a partnership with David’s Bridal)
Budget: $1,000
Time: 2 Days
Elimination: Triple Elimination (we’re cutting them in half)
And the winner gets their look created and sold by David’s Bridal and that’s outstanding! I always love when a retailer partners with a “Project Runway” designer.
And we are left with the image of pocket-sized Christian being carried piggyback by supermodel Heidi. An indelible image.
We go to Mood (remember Mood?) where Christian tells us that this one-look, two-day challenge…the designers have to make a second look (a complementary after-party look) essentially making this two one-day challenges.
The Work Room
We’re in the workroom with a David’s Bridal wall, and the Five Designers who are worth a damn are talking about how much they miss Jeffrey and how much they wanted to see what he would have made for this bridal challenge (and I would to, my gawd). Bryan talks about how Jeffrey’s a good costume designer (because if he can’t tear someone down, how can he make sure he’s on top?) but Bi comes to Jeffrey’s defense. We’ll just see how Bryan fares in this challenge. At least Bryan knows that he’s not liked by the other designers.
Christian comes in for walk-through. Bryan has been inspired by a basilica in Barcelona (because he trained there, of course). He does mention that it’s La Sagrada Familia (I had to rewind to make sure because we must know it’s La Sagrada Familia; it’s stunning) that he’s inspired by, and he shows us this sculptural gown he’s making. The fabric looks like a topographical map being made to be large. Christian isn’t sure this is enough and calls back to the first look that Bryan made (you remember, Mrs. Stay-Puft Marshmallow).
Naheim is giving us a poised silhouette in leather (or something, but it doesn’t look like leather?).
Anna has a lot of paneling going on and is just so thirsty for a win. She’s the only designer there without a win and the only woman left in the competition.
Jude is giving us a wide-lapeled jacket on a jumpsuit. Christian is bored, and frankly so am I. Christian is trying to get Jude to push himself and not just do the same things over and over, and he’s not wrong. In his talking head, Jude lets us know that he had a lot of plans for this garment, but because he now has to make a second look, he’s got to scrap some of his ideas. We’re getting more for less because Freeform hates us.
Bi is giving us a haunted beauty black dress, and I wanna see it. I love an alternative-colored wedding dress. A dear friend of mine got married in a STUNNING, voluminous navy dress and it may be one of my favorites. Another friend got married in cream and had gorgeous shades of pinks on the bust. That said: where is the dress? All he’s done is work on the veil. Where is the dress?
JMcRae has lavender. He’s doing a bustier. He hands Christian a pair of pants that I could wear twice, and I’m not a small man. Christian also wants him to push himself, but at this point, JMcRae is gonna do as he pleases.
He then brings in Becca Bloom (dressed in something Jeffrey could have made) to do a walk- through. Anna lets me know that she just got married and had a stunning wedding plastered all over the internet. Jude lets us know he’s never been to a traditional wedding. Bi has a long train. Bryan’s girl has wings, apparently. Becca seems like a nice lady, but gave us nothing.
And that has also been so much of this season: nothing-burger influencers. And maybe I’m just old at 39? I’m on the internet a lot, but I don’t follow influencers (I don’t think), so I fully don’t understand why we’re bringing them in, other than to attract a younger audience. But if this is the point, showcase them for more than just 94 seconds (I timed it). Let them be the guest judge! This show feels like it’s made by Boomers trying to pull in Gen Z viewers and still calling them Millennials while forgetting all about Gen X.
Moving on.
It’s Day 2 and Bryan shows Bi the lace that he’s cutting out, and Bi tells him the truth: he doesn’t like this after-party look because it just looks like a sheet over a body.
Jude’s going for a flowier after-party look, and Christian is still incredibly bored.
Anna’s after-party look is absolutely for a party for two (or not; I’m a modern man: invite who you want for your wedding night shenanigans).
Bryan bows to Christian, trying to make himself look like a quirky girl. There’s just nothing interesting about this look.
JMcRae’s wedding pants have an incredibly long (and incredibly unflattering) crotch. All in lavender.
Bi is the most avoidant about his veil, mostly because he doesn’t want to admit to Christian that he didn’t focus on the dress on the body, but made sure that his veil was done. Christian makes him go get it.
Naheim isn’t working, but he’s flirting with all of the models. Looking for someone to put in one of his dresses. Christian is confused as to why he didn’t make a cool little jacket, and he’s right. Naheim does jackets! Give us a jacket!
JMcRae is lacing his girl up in her lace-backed pants, and the model says she looks like a stripper. However, I cannot get beyond the butthole zipper this man has put in these pants. A butthole zipper, folks, like he’s designing for a gay fetish wedding sponsored by Breedwell. I cannot with this look.
The Runway
Law is there, as he has been all season. Nina Garcia is our mainstay judge (Tyra’s still gone, but hey, that’s honestly fine). Designer Sergio Hudson and actress Kiernan Shipka are our guest judges.
Jude: model Briana is in the wedding look, which is an all-black suit. The lapels are wide, the jacket is full, the pants have slits up to the knees, and they are flowing very nicely. She has a sheer top on underneath. This look is fine. The man can tailor a suit. What else can he do? Model Anna is in the all-white afterparty look, a layered short dress with some gorgeous flowing sides (and some peek-a-boo shorts). I like this look more than the first, though I’m confused as to why have a white afterparty look if you’re doing black for the wedding? I wish he had done a different color. This is safe city and lovely. I would wear anything this man makes. I probably can’t afford it (but that’s why y’all need to Venmo me: @tkrbthree).
Naheim: model Khoudia has the wedding look on, a lovely white dress with a gorgeous V-cut neckline at a perfect right angle and long sleeves. I’m hoping it looks better in person because on TV this kinda gave me nothing (and the fear that the model was going to trip). Sarah has the afterparty look on, and this just feels so buttoned-up. The afterparty is where you’re being joyous and celebrating with everyone, and you’ve given your girl a high collar? Sir, why? He’s already wanting to change it up.
Anna: she’s giving us a sexy (but not trashy) bride; a woman who wants everyone to look at her and really fall in love. Rebecca is wearing the off-the-shoulder gown with lace sleeves and side panels on the legs. It’s really gorgeous, and you can tell the model loves it. The satin laces up the back are top-tier. Kylie is our after-(after?)-party model, and hoo-boy, her new spouse is going to love this look on their bride. Nina seems a little scandalized, but Nina is wearing white to this runway, so what can she say? The bustier fits perfectly with a wide shoulder strap; the lacy skirt is basically nothing but a high-waist and four panels covering bits that will be a surprise later that night. It doesn’t look lined, but I’m guessing the model has on a nude pair of underwear. Just stunning.
Joseph McRae: model Jeanelle is up first in this lavender garment. We’ve got some bell bottom pants that indeed lace up the back. There’s a long lavender netting of some sort wrapped around her neck (probably to help hide the butthole zipper). Do what you want at your wedding, call me a traditionalist, or whatever, but this look is tacky as well. The fabric is just such a bad choice, and she looks like a stripper in a trashy movie. It just doesn’t say wedding to me. Christina is in a babydoll dress with a lace-up front that matches the lace-up legs on the wedding jumpsuit.
Bi: first we have model Jessica (who is one of my favorites), and the first thing you notice is the barely there veil, and damnit it’s so good. It’s the best part of the look, and…should it be? It’s fully trimmed and tasteful. The dress is a simple black tube with a satin sash for a belt and corset ribbons up the back. The veil is the moment. Samiah is in the cute after-party look in white (again, why are we wearing white now?). It’s a short dress with a lace collar and skirt and a corseted top. I have trouble with the way the bottom of the top is cut: the spacing seems too wide, too cutesy, too costumey. I don’t know. It doesn’t wow me.
Bryan: here comes Janine the Bride in another white comforter. Bryan gives us drama and volume. I’ll give him that. And I do think that sometimes he has a look in there somewhere, but he can’t execute it the way Bi can. There’s a front panel on the skirt that just looks like a mistake (a bizarre crotch, as Nina says). And then poor Amanda in a shapeless lace frock. She doesn’t look happy, and she shouldn’t. This is bad. Law calls it a disaster. And he’s not wrong. I mean, the poor girl’s full side thigh is out, and it looks like a mistake instead of an intention.
The Judging
Heidi says it’s going to be hard to decide which three designers go to the finale, and based on what I saw, no, it’s not.
Bi’s looks are up first, and Kiernan Shipka says these girls are clearly in the same world, and looking at them next to each other…I guess? The veil is the moment, and each judge agrees. Law nitpicks about the color of the eyelets on the wedding dress. I disagree: I don’t much like a black eyelet.
Bryan’s next, and Sergio says these don’t look like the same bride. Kiernan is a nice lady and calls these looks original, and yes, ma’am, they certainly are. Everyone hates the front panel of the skirt of the wedding dress. And the afterparty dress is certainly an afterthought. Nina does praise him for not playing it safe. Sure.
Anna is up, and Heidi is very excited about it. Nina loves the drama of the lace-up down the back. This is where it’s clear that Anna is a woman: she’s made something she wants to get married in. She gets emotional about it because this is her dream (I just wish she was on a better season).
Now for Naheim, and everyone agrees that the idea of the wedding dress is beautiful, even though it has some fit issues. The afterparty look is just sad and claustrophobic. He really fumbled this look.
Jude’s turn for critiques, and his tailoring is perfect (I want to wear anything he makes). Not much else is said.
Joseph’s brides come out, and it’s immediately called out that the wedding pants do not fit and are made poorly. Nina hates this, but doesn’t want to come off as mean, you can tell she’s holding back. Everyone applauds the originality.
And now for some drama: Heidi wants to know who everyone thinks should go to the finale with them.
Joseph names Jude and Anna.
Bi says Anna and Joseph.
Bryan says Anna and Jude.
Anna wants Jude and Naheim.
Jude says Anna and Naheim.
Naheim wants Anna and Jude.
And throughout, there’s a little bit of drama, all pointed out by Law. It’s clear to him (and to me) that everyone is saying designers they can beat. No one names Bi, and I truly think they’re all scared of him. Anna hasn’t had a win yet, so bring her; and Jude makes well-tailored and fashionable clothes, but I don’t see him winning this season. Joseph and Naheim get a little callout. And no one names Bryan because I believe they’re all done with his shit.
Heidi is ready to get a move on and name the winner: it’s Anna! And good for her! Getting her first win, and David’s Bridal will produce both of her designs!
Jude is announced as the second designer going to the finale, and good for him. The third designer is Bi, and of course it is. These three did the best on this challenge and deserve a spot.
In their talking heads, Naheim and Joseph roll with the punches. They wished they could make it to the finale, but they’re not in the top three on this challenge. Bryan, though, whines about this being a competition for America’s next great fashion designer, and he’s shocked he’s not there. And you know what, I’ll throw him a bone here. I think that Bryan can have some really great ideas. I do like the idea of this wedding dress, but you can’t call Jeffrey costumey and then send a model out in an over-the-top Joseph McRae-inspired large-shouldered dress. This was a costume. This is something that Isabella would wear to her wedding to Angelo in Measure for Measure, something he would have to fight through to get her to bed.
Looking at Bryan’s body of work outside of “Project Runway” does show that he can have some good ideas; however, I think the show makes clear that he can have an idea, but he needs an editor like Christian or a sewist like Bi to actually make his look come to life. This man could be a good designer, but he needs a team, and truly, after his delusional run on this show that makes him look like an out-of-touch asshole to work with, I’m not sure that he’s going to be able to find a team. And like, yes, do producers take liberties to tell the best story? Yes. But everything is there. Bryan said all of these things. He pulled all of these shenanigans. Maybe he’s lucky that this season is universally hated across the internet (I haven’t seen one good thing anywhere) and people will forget that this season exists. We’ll have to wait and see.
Then Heidi drops the bomb that they’re bringing a fourth to the finale. So who is it going to be? Naheim? Joseph? Bryan? We’ll have to wait to find out (in the second good use of the cliffhanger this season).
Joseph would be okay to bring: he has a definite voice and knows his style, but I’m not sure if we’d get anything innovative from him.
Naheim would also be a good choice as the fourth: he has a great idea machine and work ethic for this show, and I genuinely do want to see what he could bring.
Bryan is a hard no for me, and I truly think that sending him to the finale would be the second nail in the Project Runway coffin.
So what do we get for the season finale? It’s clear that the days of home visits and six weeks and $5,000 budgets for a 10-look collection are gone. We’re probably going to get three looks in four days with a budget of $1,500, and at the end, everyone at home will be like the security guards from The Truman Show and say, “What else is on?”
I’ll see you next week.
What do YOU think of “Project Runway” Season 22? Who are you rooting for? Drop your comments below!
