Bienvenue, soggy bottoms! We are down to just seven bakers. Most of the chaff has been separated, and we are really getting into the nitty-gritty with pastry this week.
Read on for my take on Episode 6 of “Great British Bake-Off” (AKA “Great British Baking Show” for us American swine) Season 17. SPOILERS AHEAD!
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The Signature: The Worst Best Pies in London
The Challenge: Wait, what's your rush, what's your hurry? Bake eight exquisite, flaky, hand-held, identical, savoury pies. Nigella wants to see plump little pies. Girl, you nasty.
The Lineup:
Clara: Surprisingly not at all Portuguese today, Clara is tackling a venison and stout pie. And no wonder, with the price of meat… She reveals she started eating venison because her dog did. Strangely endearing. Maybe just strange.
Tom: Going "exotic" in Vietnam, making a Banh Mi filling for his pasties. He apparently took a spiritual journey through Southeast Asia and came back a changed man.
Connie: Doing an old classic: jerk chicken thigh, something she has cooked for decades for her neighborhood. I have been really impressed with her. Does Connie have what it takes to win the whole thing?
Moyin: Going Nigerian AND Cornish: potato, beef, onion, scotch bonnet (my favorite pepper!), and ginger pies. If you have never had a scotch bonnet, find one immediately. They are delightfully warm and sweet.
Mo: His lime green-colored chicken and sweetcorn pasty filling is reminiscent of his mom's samosas and Nickelodeon Gak.
Gabe: Making a Bostin Brummie Balti pie. I do not know what most of those words mean. Lamb and mango chutney in a hot water crust.
Gary: Bringing up the rear, Gary's boring classic pies are minced beef, onion, and mint. He is using OXO bouillon cubes for flavoring, which could be a dangerous choice if he overdoes it, and feels like a bit of a cheap shortcut.
The Chaos & Drama: At least no one’s poppin’ pussies into pies. Wouldn’t do in my shop.
Clara's pastry looks quite wet and sticky, making her cute cookie-cutter deer design not quite as successful as she had hoped. Panicking, she cranks up the oven temperature to bake for less time, which means they likely will not finish properly on time.
But she is not alone in the rush. Gary has done the same temperature dance. As time elapses, Clara is frantically (and hilariously) slapping her bakes with honey in a last-ditch effort.
The Signature Verdict:
Good: Connie's plump patties taste delicious, though they are a bit pale; Tom's Banh Mis look beautiful and taste great; Moyin's Cor-gerian pasties hit the mark.
Somewhere in Between: Gabe's “unique” pastries are burnt on the outside, but the filling is delicious; Gary's BORING hand pies.
Bad: Clara's underfilled deer heads tasted nice, but were unfortunately a structural mess; Mo's Gak pockets were also underfilled and deeply “gungy.”
The Technical: The Princess of Pastry's Polish Karpatka
The Challenge: Like the Carpathian snow-capped peaks, our bakers must bake two layers of choux pastry filled with a luscious potato-starch-thickened vanilla custard. It looks beautiful and delicious. Could there have been a more Nigella bake?
The Chaos: Clara seems to be completely in her head and off her game as we begin the technical, but she claims she has not cried yet. It’s the little wins.
Alison steps in to help out with mixing, giving Tom’s arm a break and the perfect V (for Very Good) in his choux dough.
Mo is concerned that his choux is too thin, as he holds up what looks like milk falling off a fork. Somehow miraculously after baking, it does not look half bad.
After bringing it out of the oven, Clara's Karpatka has gone Kaput. It looks like a flat focaccia and somehow manages to rip into shreds as she tries assembling her “omelet.” She is getting an awful lot of screen time… and is filling it with complaints.
The Technical Rankings:
7th Place: Clara (On the plus side, the custard was nice.)
6th Place: Connie (A bit flat.)
5th Place: Mo
4th Place: Gary
3rd Place: Gabe
2nd Place: Tom (Just needed a bit more color.)
1st Place (Winner): Moyin (It really sang!)
The Showstopper: One HUGE Pie
Sweet or savoury, but the pie must be shaped freeform, like jazz… and lovemaking.
The Highlights & Disasters:
Gary: A 16-inch shortcrust literal-fish pie. The picture makes it look like it will be very cute. If he pulls this off, he might just change my opinion of him.
Clara: A shortcrust sun-and-moon pie with pecan, apple, and cinnamon filling. While discussing her bake, she reveals her bipolar diagnosis. From a reality TV standpoint, it is never a good sign when we get deep exposition on someone who is severely underperforming.
Mo: A chai-spiced pear butterfly shortcrust with a creamy almond frangipane. Pears are notoriously wet. After his earlier bake, he runs the risk of another soggy bottom. Will he learn his lesson quickly enough?
World Traveler Tom: A Mexican-flavored chicken pie, inspired by one of his favorite chicken movies, Chicken Run, which he hilariously could not name.
Moyin: A Bramley and Braeburn apple pie shaped like yet another face mask. I feel like he did that once before. I’m getting booooored…
Connie: Going veggie! She is baking a sweet potato curry pie in the shape of Dave the Snake - Adorable.
Gabe: A Lincolnshire Sausage pie sculpted to look like his sausage dog, Dill. ALSO ADORABLE, but mildly disturbing to see your dog chopped up that way.
Clara remains in deep trouble as she begins working with her shortcrust, with rips galore across her bench. Meanwhile, Connie's snake is standing proud in the oven. Work it, girl! And Gabe's dog is looking rather phallic.
(Side note: I love Alison's hair like this. It looks beautiful and bouncy!)
Tom gives us a delightful mini chicken impression for the cameras. An understated bawk.
Noel reveals that Paul gets his burnished glow from a daily egg wash regimen, which Paul later confirms to Gary is all in the yolks.
Most of the pies are looking really successful, but a few look downright terrible. Clara's pie has cracked, and the inner seepage has burnt directly to the pan. Mo's butterfly looks as though it flew a little too close to the sun.
P to the I to the E - PIE! P to the I to the E - PIE! P to the...
Judging Highlights:
Gabe: His dog is truly beautiful, but the dry-yet-moist sausage filling causes conflict between the judges.
Gary: His fish pie looks stunning. You got me, gal! But the pastry does not have quite the melt the judges are looking for.
Connie: Snake-Dave looks a bit more like Salamander-Dave, and the pastry is too thick. It tastes lovely, but ends up mushy and wet inside.
Moyin: His mask is still disappointing to me. Paul basically has to saw through the bottom crust, and Nigella calls the pastry unmanageable, though it tastes nice. There goes Star Baker…
Tom: His chicken is hilarious and fun. Nigella likens it to Aztec art, which feels fitting given the Latin flavors. And it is so delicious that it earns the rarest of rare Showstopper Handshakes!
Clara: Her sun and moon are unfortunately setting in this competition. The blue powder meant to decorate the bake ended up just highlighting every single crack, apparently like Nigella's face on occasion (per her own admittance).
Mo: His Burnt Butterfly is so sturdy that Paul can pick it up straight off the table in one solid piece. Mo is very lucky that Clara had such an off week. I guess you don’t have to outrun the bear...
The Final Verdict
Star Baker: Tom! A third Star Baker for him. It was the chicken impression, I just know it.
Eliminated: To no one’s surprise, Clara. B to the Y to the E, BYE.
Sorry, that is mean. But I am mean! It is unfortunate that Clara has to go, especially having snagged a Star Baker win earlier in the season. But when the chaff has gone, we have to start losing some wheat.
Questions for Next Week
Will Tom break records and earn a fourth Star Baker?
Can anyone knock him off his throne?
Join us next Saturday to recap Episode 7!
What do YOU think of “GBBO” Season 17? Drop your comments below!
