Welcome back, Celiac! It’s “Free-From” Party Week. I know this show isn’t made for Americans, but I have never in my life heard the phrase “free-from.” And why is it a party?
With only 6 bakers left, just like the episode teaser shows us, we’re in for some baking CARNAGE!
Read on for my take on Episode 7 of “Great British Bake-Off” (AKA “Great British Baking Show” for us American swine) Season 17. SPOILERS AHEAD!
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The Signature: Baking for Neglected Children
The Challenge: Crisp, gluten-free pastries fit for a children’s party, specifically those who cannot have gluten. The bakers are in for quite a challenge as they must make a laminated dough without gluten.
The Lineup
Mo: Improved Toaster Tarts (that’s Pop-Tarts for us colony-dwelling commoners) that he claims look disgusting to him now.
Gabe: Cheeseburger “Ladybird” pastries (that’s ladybugs for us uncultured Yanks) - dangerous game to play, with so much liquid in those meats.
Tom: Pizza Monsters of varying sizes (a clever wheeze, per Nigella). Tom decides to teach Alison one of his favorite games, picking things up with his teeth.
Gary: A terrifying caterpillar that he practiced 11 times at home. You know what they say: 3rd time’s a charm; 11th time’s a 911 call.
Connie: Beautiful Blueberry Butterflies with an almond frangipane. She shares she had some wild times in her youth, “stepping over bodies” in the morning to head home.
Moyin: How-Many-Times-Can-I-Say-Pistachio little monster eyes filled with pistachio and raspberry. It’s a mix I don’t think I’ve tried before.
The Chaos
Minimal chaos this week, though LOTS of butter leakage around the kitchen, and not an egg wash to be seen. As I feared, Gabe pours a gallon of grease off his cheese-buggers into the sink (goodbye, drain!)
The Signature Verdict
Good: Tom’s Put-Your-Paws-Up little monster faces; Mo’s Pretty Parcels are good enough to earn a handshake!
Somewhere in Between: Gabe’s “ghoulish” ladybirds were a bit too thin, but the filling was delicious; Moyin’s bland-all-around monster eyes; Connie’s butterflies needed more blueberrying
Bad: Gary’s CRUNCHY caterpillar was under-worked and overcooked.
The Technical: What Does a Vegan Animal Eat?
The Challenge: Create an adorable, vegan chocolate animal cake - the twist: six different animal themes chosen at random!
The Drama
Moyin gets the shark, Gary the axolotl, Gabe gets the dinosaur, Mo gets the bear, Tom the fox, and Connie the bee. After a quick drawing session to capture the look, the cakes are taken backstage to be disposed of (in the crew’s tummies)!
It’s a chocolate cake with chocolate ganache filling, topped with an ermine icing (similar to a buttercream, but made with almond milk and vegan butter).
Every baker is out of their depth at each step of the technical.
As she’s putting her cake into the fridge to cool, Connie loses control and CARNAGE! It doesn’t seem the cake hit the floor, but it might have fallen apart a bit on her blouse.
Gary unfortunately forgot to add the vegan butter to his vegan buttercream icing, and is confused as he looks around at the other bakers' successes.
Connie’s three tiers are all vastly different sizes and looked hideous, but Gary’s takes the cake (literally) for most hideous bake of the week.
The Technical Rankings
6th Place: Connie - “Did she even bake it?”
5th Place: Gary - A melting, sad axolotl face, somehow not in last place
4th Place: Mo
3rd Place: Moyin
2nd Place: Gabe - A great cake, but just not as good as number 1 (oof)
1st Place: Tom - “It must be getting very boring” to be so good!
The Showstopper: Happy Birthday to Everyone Except the Bakers
The Challenge: A gluten-free, dairy-free, or plant-based cake to celebrate a child’s birthday, with the added challenge of an interactive element.
The Highlights & Disasters
Connie: A chocolate, orange, and carrot cake with a moving Rubik’s Cube (EVERY kid loves Rubik’s Cubes, right?)
Gary: A self-stirring witch’s cauldron made of strawberry, vanilla, oil of boil, and a dead man’s nose… (DEAD MAN’S TOES!)
Moyin: Peanut butter and raspberry dino dig cake, topped with an empty egg. The image certainly doesn’t do it any favors. It would have been SUPER cool if the cake had little fossils throughout it instead of just adhered to the outside.
Bug Collector Gabe: A gluten-free bug hunt cake inspired by his own 6th birthday. Unlike Moyin, Gabe actually is including edible creatures to dig out of his cake’s soil.
Tom: In remembrance of swamp-witch Danni, he’s making a swamp cake topped with Shrek and Fiona… and chocolate milk farts. Certainly a Bake Off first. Probably the first time I’ve ever written out chocolate milk farts, too.
Mo: A “Hoover” (that’s a vacuum for us Tea Tossers) that can actually vacuum up sprinkles. He was apparently obsessed with the face on his vacuum growing up, which is SUCH a strange thing to admit. Makes me wonder what he was doing with that hose…
Once again, Connie struggles with timing, as her very thick cakes are taking a long time to bake through.
Mo’s fondant work is looking a bit messy as he searches for a way to get the icing sugar off. By the end, the vacuum looks much cleaner (pun intended).
Judging:
Mo: A functional vacuum via hazelnut sponge with a homemade hazelnut spread tastes great, but the sponge is overbaked. Overall a success!
Connie: The cube didn’t seem to actually move, and while the flavor was lovely, the cake itself was very soft.
Tom: Shrek’s hot tub looked fun! The chocolate cake was successful, but the pistachio layer was overbaked.
Moyin: The judges loved the decoration and enjoyed smashing the (empty) egg. I still would have liked to see something throughout the cake's layers. It’s an archeological dig, after all. The cake is delicious, though.
Gary: The interactive element of the cake was quite a letdown. Nigella’s face said it all as it limply spun, and she followed up with the nail in the coffin. Gary “…put more effort into the decorating than thinking through the cake.”
Gabe: “It’s chocolate!” (cue the sad trombone) SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. Ticks all the boxes - the interactive element, the flavor, and the bake itself were all spot-on.
The Final Verdict
Star Baker: In a bit of a surprise after a pistachio-flavored fumble in the end zone by Tom, Gabe takes his first Star Baker!
Eliminated: After several weeks of his flat affect, Gary bids us adieu. The juxtaposition between Gary’s goodbye and Gabe’s Star Baker celebration is stark… and hilarious.
Questions for Next Week
The quarterfinals are upon us! Who has what it takes to the Semis? Will Connie conquer the clock? Join us next weekend for a recap.
What do YOU think of “GBBO” Season 17? Drop your comments below!
